Presenting my first milestone on this journey! I'm on a day 30th of not even a single drop of alcohol enters my system.Wow! This time, let me tell you a detailed story on how I fight each day to be alcohol free and how determined I am on getting through this challenge.
Just a little recap on why I'm so driven to achieve this challenge for those who don't understand my language (as majority of my posts are in Filipino). I've been alcoholic for years and it already destroyed a lot from me e.g. career/jobs, health and relationships. I've gone through the most difficult 72 hrs of my life when I decided to quit drinking that the anxiety level almost made me quit on life. My love ones saved me when I wholeheartedly opened up to them about my problems and how I wanted to turn my life around. The first critical part of quitting addiction is the support system which thankfully I already recognized. On this vital element though, you have to set aside your pride and ego and be completely submissive to everything that they are about to say as it varies from culture to culture (I believe). I remember my mom mocking me and belittling me when I opened up to her but then showcased tough love and opted to emphasize her full support by challenging me to maintain or even surpassed the respect that they still have on me. She said she’s tired of me fooling around about quitting for years but not showing seriousness of any level so she hopes this time its for real and I will finally be able to make her proud. She walked me through about how my uncles, cousins and other relatives died from alcohol through various alcohol-related diseases and it was hard for her to lose yet another love one due to alcohol. My mother’s statement is the strongest one compared to my siblings and friends as she’s still coping up from the lost of my father and sister just couple years ago. My father died due to heart complications due to years of smoking and drinking and my sister followed due to breast cancer which may not be alcohol related but a reminder that I’m not a special case and more vulnerable to related illness if I don't quit alcohol. That conversation with my mom whom I haven’t had such type of conversation with for years really raised the bar on how serious should I become on this journey. I bet you too at some point needed inspiration and uplifting motivational words from somebody and parents will certainly not let you down. You just have to prepare yourself on some harsh words at the beginning but its all love overall. Trust me on that.
As I go along on my journey to zero-alcohol intake on the first 365 days, there are heroes who unexpectedly took the spot to help me out. Friends whom I hadn’t had contacts for years sent words of encouragement when I posted my cause in social media. I appreciate their support and pressure grows on why I need to prove that I can as my reputation is on a stake. A very unexpected individual who joined my support system squad is my ex’s mother whom had been always welcoming and exceptionally nice even from day one that I was introduced to her. Apparently, she lost her husband due to alcohol abuse and have so much to say about quitting such substance as the cost is truly enormous both to the person who abused it and to his/her love ones. She said that she could’ve added more enthusiasm and perseverance on convincing her now deceased partner to quit alcohol while she still can. She demonstrated feeling of guilt and regret when it was already too late when she figured she could've tried harder to make him quit but decided to move on and learn from it. She made me think that abusing alcohol (or any kinds of toxic substance) is also a form of selfishness on some extreme situations as you exchange the love of the ones who care for you with the pleasure you get from your vice. It really touched my heart and just like my mom’s unconditional love, she portrays a very transparent and sincere act of encouragement out of her own experience. Additionally, she said that I’m no stranger at all to them and she wishes that I succeed on this cause as it’s me who’s going to reap the fruit of my hardships at the end of the day. Speaking of fruit, she would give me stuff that are good to my health (melts my heart really) and never fails to cheer me up on each development on my physique and overall character as this journey goes along. A truly exceptional person I must say and it might be ironic and some might find it awkward or cringey but hey, I count each and every support that I get from people and I don’t discriminate. Humility will take you far on whatever journey you choose to have and as long as you’re in good conscience that you can return the favor in one way or another, you are in a good spot. They are also a family to me and I make sure that even in a small way, I get to bring them smile and joy.
I can’t stress enough how support system plays a vital role in this change that I’m trying to impose to myself. Even my landlord who supplies my booze in almost everyday basis when I was at the height of my intoxication showed support instead of raising their eyebrows. I contribute to a large chunk of their income from selling booze to their tenants but when she noticed that I’m no longer buying “redhorse” (a brand of beer) from them and instead saw me running around the village often, she showed a high level of support and also encouragement that I keep doing what I’m doing. She’s my number one fan now and who needs a weighing scale when someone is persistent on letting you know in everyday basis whether you are gaining weight or not? Thankfully and according to her, she cannot see my beer belly anymore and I keep looking better each day. Now she’s scolding her grandson who keeps gaining weight due to slacking and overeating and wants him to join me on my morning runs. But he's still a teenager and I was once like him who don’t give a sh*t. Hopefully one day he joins me though as it’s going to be fun for sure.
My training regimen is not a joke. I mentioned in my previous post how I crave for motivational contents and I consume them real time. I work out before and after work each day with a day rest on Sundays for some spiritual related stuff. I don’t do it out of impulsiveness (which I always make sure of), instead more on a habit-forming activity. Like I would run (or do cycling) in the morning then do some home work outs in the evening. Consistency is what I’m after as well as discipline which I vow to attain slowly but surely. Hence, I do things gradually and make sure I won’t be burned out by slowly adding intensity each time. I’m not gonna be in a body building competition and I’m not crazy about that instagramabble bullsh*t so I train just enough for my body to get better and my mind to kick the desire for alcohol. Running clears mind and I was skeptical at it at first but it really works to prevent relapse. Speaking of relapse, I always tell myself that this tendency is just always around the corner and I have friends who will always challenge my perseverance but I count them as well as my motivation. While its still hard to refuse them, I make sure that I decline politely and hopefully one day they appreciate what I’m doing and apply to themselves too. I get praise from some of them as the physical transformation is slowly becoming visible while others express insecurities but not showing any hint of trying for themselves though that’s their own business. Moving on, the only challenge that I’m still battling on my daily regiment is sleep. My circadian rhythm is still unstable and I still suffer from sleep deprivation sometimes. I learned that it is normal for those who had been into deep alcohol problem so aside from measures to combat such discrepancy, I see to it that I don’t relapse as I’m already aware that sleep is not my friend. I’ve been a nocturnal for a very long time as I used to work at night so I’ll let time to take over mostly on the sleep department which I believe is achievable as long as I’m consistent on these good habits. I’m very aware that when you lack sleep, you’re decision making is in jeopardy and decision making is vital everyday whether you will cheat on your diet, skip exercise or at worst whether you’ll have at least a sip of booze to mention a few. I remember someone gave me melatonin before to help me sleep, as you consume it though through time, the tolerance grows and it becomes less effective. Still shout out to her for such a show of concern but I now prefer the natural way of falling asleep. Additionally (and this is just my observation), I tend to feel groggy and less active after I wake up from melatonin and feeling less active so its against my new found regimen, such pill is not for me.
This post is getting longer and I still have so many things to say but I don’t wanna sound like I’ve already achieved so much. I’m still a work in progress and I wake up each day with such mindset to boost my desire to keep working to be better. For now, support system is the most vital for me which helps my mental health and relationship with people to improve. I can now talk to people eye to eye with genuine reactions and spontaneity. I used to be very moody, easily irritated and easily offended but not anymore through the course of this sobriety. In fact, I welcome criticisms with open heart and draw something positive from it. Next is my physical activities which provides an obvious transformation and help me gain a bit of instant respect from people who used to see me as bloated, plump, drunkard bloke. I avoid excuse to not move my a*s and sweat. Like I said, I’m not particularly after having a chiseled, tiktok worthy like body so I don’t bother taking time to prepare and pay for the gym except maybe if the weather or the place is not conducive for a workout. But remember Mike Tyson maintained to be in shape even during his prison time which means you can pretty much work out anywhere, no excuse. I aim to share my diet, my choice of food on my next post but expect that its not that fancy or spectacular like what you see in youtube or facebook. One thing for sure, having no alcohol helps you lose weight. Also, I don’t do intermittent fasting. I thought that one deprives my dopamine release which is critical for someone who’s avoiding relapse. Overall, I feel great!
I do believe that I’ve already laid out the foundation and no one can stop me to solidify it and make it robust to stand challenges brought by temptations. I tell to myself each day that I didn’t choose this change because I need it, I want it and I want it really bad. I feel like a pressure being put to one’s self is enormous if a thing they want to implement is out of a great necessity. You have to like what you are doing so you can do it with greater and satisfying result. Lastly, don’t forget that small victories count so win each day. A day without alcohol is a day of victory!
