I can say that I'm now more than 50% recovered from the crisis that I had almost a year now. I am so glad that I didn't give up on myself and I invested trust to few people to help me out of this slump. Hence, my mornings start with thinking of people who believe in me and never get tired to give support. I even show them gratitude from time to time to let them know how big of an impact they have on this new life that I embark to. Gratitude is such a powerful tool to start the day with positivity.
Happiest mornings are those with the sun shining in the east at 6:00 AM. I would open my eyes and sit by the bed unbothered by my phone and what's going on in the internet world and just stare at the open window with the sunlight saying hello to me. A short meditation will take place first before I fully get up to prepare my coffee. While having coffee, I will sit at the front door to fully engage to sunlight and fill my eyes with this natural light and continue thinking about possible things that might take place for today and how should I behave whether its good or bad. Once coffee is done, I will either go for a quick run or home exercise to have that first hour sweat that will pump me up for the rest of the day. Exercise will be followed by cold shower while calming sound is playing in the background. I think of few people I wanna thank with while cold water is running through my body. The surge of energy and feeling of relief is unbelievable once this early routine is complete.
I would then start my work on an empty stomach. I do intermittent fasting everyday for at least 14 hrs but mostly 16 with occasional 18 and 20 hrs. With fasting, I can keep my mind clear and my focus stay still even near meal time. Apparently, cortisol which is a stress hormone spikes up during early hours but if I am fasted during those hours, cortisol is suppressed hence my stress also don't go crazy. Come mealtime, I would skip rice and just grab some high protein and low carb meal that will give me satiated feeling. My vitamin supplements will then be taken mid day to even make me feel energized towards the afternoon. Another coffee comes in before 3 pm to boost my focus. At around 5-6 pm, I would wrap everything up at work to prepare for my gym session.
I would lift weights every evening for at least 2 hrs using bro split method where I target different muscle groups on scheduled day. I see to it that I have 72 hrs recovery period for each muscles before I train them again. That means I have 2 sessions per week for each muscle group and I stick to this sessions religiously. After an intense exercise at the gym, I'll eat my last meal for the day and start my intermittent fasting. I still don't eat a lot of rice but If I take 1 cup of it, I have bananas and sweet potatoes to kinda back up my carb intake. Since my coffee addiction is still severe, I see to it that should I take coffee in the evening, it must be a decaf. To still keep my focus in the evening for my mental exercises e.g. reading, youtube educational contents or writing my journal, I need a stimulant like decaf to push trough this last activity of the day. A warm bath will wrap up everything before I hit the bed. With my body physically and mentally used up, melatonin has no choice but to rise up and make me fall asleep.
There are occasions that I find it hard to fall asleep especially when a thought of "her" lingers my mind. The cause of all these changes that I enforced to myself is clearly the relationship failure that took place early this year. One thing that baffles me sometimes is the connotation that most people make about getting over something. They say "move on" and forget. While I have no qualms on the thought of "moving on", I believe its not a solid method to get over something and move forward with life. This is simply because, the severity of situations vary from person to person. Hence, to move on depends on the size of the wound that the incident made. I do believe that the deeper the wound, the serious the healing process should become. I know a lot of people whom the concept of moving on to them is to not change anything and simply escape the awful memory by doing different divertionary tactics that only preserve the damage that they received which will burst out anytime in the form of trauma. I also know people who use revenge as a form of coping mechanism to restore their self-validity. Said revenge could be through anything but often something that exacerbate their misery in the long run. I don't like those kind of stuff hence I choose the word "recovery" instead of "moving on".
A total reset is my idea of recovery. I recognized the danger of substance abuse which most people who came from dreadful events easily drag themselves too. So I fully stopped my alcohol addiction and slowly but surely, spoused a healthy lifestyle to not only heal my mental state but my overall being. The idea is to change a large chunk of yourself en route to creating a 2.0 version of yourself (not to the point that you will erase your original identity). Though always be mindful that you were once devastated so don't bypass the recovery phase. Establish a solid foundation no matter how much time it takes until such foundation is strong enough to hold the rest of the good stuff you want to implement in your life. This is why I'm not ashamed to admit that the one who broke my heart is still up to this day, the one I dear the most. I gave up on lying to myself that I fully got rid of my feelings to her that I'm already moved on. Instead, I am recovering from all these pain that that break up caused me by mastering those emotions and studying these physiological and emotional damages that it incurred to my life. The goal is to not plant any remorse or feeling of regret and anything dark associated to that experience as they will only result to self devaluation and damage to self-esteem. Is it possible that you are recovered but not moved on? Yes and if you go through a hard and arduous process of recovering, you've planted something positive that you are able to reap its benefits while you keep working to be much better. Feelings towards that person may finally die down when you are fully recovered and that's the time that you can finally say, you're moved on. Hence, moving on is a vague concept while recovering is a process. Go through the process, work on it, put efforts on it and the rest will follow.
My aim to recover from all the effed ups that happened to my life fuels my desire to persevere and keep my fire burning each day. I already gave myself years to reclaim myself and to put it to its highest glory which makes this mission longer than one may put up. I am not doing this so that I can be comfortable again and be complacent again. Comfort makes us weak and vulnerable. All the efforts and hardwork I'm putting right now is to not seek pleasure but to combat challenges that life will throw at me. I will be very strong that I can handle all these sh*t much better than before.
