This morning, I just broke my running record to 10 km for just an hour. Its a beautiful Sunday morning with a weather so forgiving that I didn't mind going on a run a bit late. I didn't even plan to run today coz its my rest day from work and gym and cardio exercises but I woke up a bit cumbersome that I need a release. After checking the temperature and humidity which is not that bad for an 8 am run, I went on to see some action on the road. Now my running shoes are showing signs of wear and tear already so as my knees. While my knees can still endure, I don't think my shoes can still go on for a couple of weeks more so now I'm eyeing for a new and better pair. Anyhow, I went on to a light pace for a supposed 3 km run only to realize that I'm already at 6 km. David Goggins recommended to add more than what you originally set and there I ended up at 10 km. My exhaustion was indescribable but the satisfaction was through the roof. I did it again but I gotta spare myself for a day after this coz my body as well as my shoes are already showing signs of pain. Its not that I'm giving up but I don't wanna over train so I'll catch up with enough rest tomorrow.
While I'm at home enjoying my Spanish lessons, my brother came with lots of food and of course, booze. Its not meant for me as he got our friends with him so I ended up just hanging out with them with my few cups of coffee. I am no longer tempted to alcohol and my circle already respects me for being alcohol free. It doesn't mean though that I'm excused to not chip in to this festivity. I had to sing the most songs in the karaoke coz they enjoy my singing (not to brag). I like that I still get to share something on the table in a non-alcoholic way. I feel like Desmond Doss from "Hacksaw Ridge" movie who received military awards without killing a single human in the battle field. I'm in the "inuman session" laughing with the gang and giving my fair share of tito jokes aside from singing while still not breaking my sobriety. I didn't know it was possible 6 months ago but here I am, still believes and still unbent.
Prior to drinking session, I was already exhausted from running and cleaning the house. I meant to catch some nap when visitors came in earlier than expected so I literally didn't catch a break. Good thing it finished earlier so here I am with the last stretch for the day with my journal. I am already aware that whenever I'm dead tired, my emotions pour in. In the past, drinking alcohol whenever I'm super tired bypasses the melancholic phase and I go straight to sleep. Now that I'm not charged with alcohol, I'm left with a great deal of caffeine in my system, struggling to sleep and playing with memories again. Its not secret that the memories of my ex is still the single most recurring thing in my life right now even its already a year that we've been separated. Its not that I'm not trying my best to forget her but I owe her a lot for all these good things that are happening to me right now. So before you think that it's all negative, that's no longer the case. She's now officially the source of my inspiration to everything I do. I extracted all the good stuff that we shared together and all the lessons she imparted to me which I use as a material for my ongoing recovery. With 6 months into this journey of alcohol sobriety, the clarity is unmatched and the emotions while still attack are not anymore entirely detrimental to my progress unlike in the early months. I battled numerous times (and still am) with the temptation of opening up a communication with her again. Unlike in the early months, I can now win over this temptation easily nowadays and I'm very proud of it. Aside from running and working out, writing is also my secret weapon on this consistency hence my countless letters that I never sent to her. Letters that I thought after couple of months of this life changing journey that I initiated would help me win her back like what I used to do during the early part of our relationship. Instead I just keep them to myself and revisit them from time to time to remind myself that everything I said there aren't just full of sh*t and I'm working my way on fulfilling them (also I no longer intend to win her back so that premise is already irrelevant). Like what she used to say, "Do it for yourself. Its for your own good." and that holds true. I feel like we can be good friends should I initiate communicating with her again and she will be the greatest boost on my cause but I'm still a long way to be someone she might be interested with again. Its not that I'm lacking confidence, I'm just trying to be appropriate. The appropriate thing to do is keep the respect I vowed to give her eternally. That respect, that vow mean not to disrupt her, not to interrupt her with her life. I'm very proud that I'm also achieving that promise.
I'm still not decided which running shoes in the market would be the best to match with my running hunger but I guess I have to wait up until my beloved current ones ultimately gave up. I love these shoes, they are a vital part of my cause and thinking about not being able to be with them in the upcoming runs almost gives me separation anxiety. But you know, we have to move on at some point and time no matter how slow will certainly heals. I might put up these shoes somewhere safe when its time for them to retire but I will never forget them and the days we've been together. Wet and dry, dusty or muddy, these shoes never let me down. As I get stronger and stronger, shoes might come and go as I don't have plans on slowing down on my running habit until maybe I reached my plateau. That would probably be at the time when I can no longer use my legs for strenuous activities due to old age. But what is considered "old"? That's a topic for upcoming entries which I would love to explore. For now, have a great day, have a great life and be sure to drink plenty of water and keep your electrolytes on a right level. Let's run!
