I quit vaping and...

That's it! I quit vaping and what else can I say? I have to say something right? Otherwise what good is this blog entry if all it has is that broad title. So here's the story:

I haven't been vaping for more than a month now. At first it was just an economic decision as the little piece of s**t just got more expensive in the Philippines and I thought that's not fair. But then I realized its now a booming industry and the government should profit from it even more. Taxes rose up due to different s*it that both government and business sector agreed to impose but I can clearly see that consumers are the main reasons why additional profit must be obtained by stake holders. People got crazy over this highly addictive habit that demand breaks the supply hence business booms. In the background, cigarette and vape companies are having war but that's none of my concern so let me focus on why I simply quit this vice and its not purely due to financial reasons.

Vaping, as its supporters say is lesser evil than smoking. Cigarette has thousands toxins that enter the body that cause horrible diseases. While I agree to this, I concluded that you cannot pick a poison between these two vices are they are just equally evil. Vape has its fair share of chemicals that enter the body when you inhale it once it becomes aerosol. I'm not an expert and I don't need to identify those chemicals from vape products that mainly affect lungs but I can surely say that this vice in its infancy is still being studied just like cigarette in its humble beginnings. Both are just equally dangerous. Now enough of chemistry and their effects on the user's physiological state and let me state my major and personal reason why I quit vaping. (Drum roll...) Mental health is what made me decide to quit vaping. Chemical imbalance inside the body that affects hormones due to excessive intake of nicotine is what made me quit on this yet another horrible vice that I now officially align with smoking and drinking abuse.

I didn't care much about the foreign objects that enter my lungs as I've been a smoker then vaper for decades now.. But since I quit alcohol, I became very wary of things that will alter my mental state due to hormonal imbalance. If you're not aware yet, vapes are packed with nicotine and nicotine is a nootropic drug. Nootropics, or “smart drugs,” are a class of substances that can boost brain performance. A boost in thinking capability is not a bad thing and I can tolerate that not until I learned that nicotine also affects the dopamine and other hormone release such as norepinephrine and epinephrine. To sum it up, if you become dependent on any addictive agents for your happiness, your tolerance will eventually rise up which later on becomes addiction. Unfortunately, there is no healthy addiction and whether its smoking or vaping, you will be consuming foreign substances that your body is not designed to take. Sure our body will adapt and our immune system will catch up until it cannot take them anymore which eventually will cause our demise. Simply because of our unconscious behavior of chasing that hormonal release to the expense of both of our physical and mental health that we endure the damage our addictions bring to us.

I quit vaping and now I'm happier. Not only that my pockets can breath from the cost of this expensive vice, my lungs also improve its performance during my runs and other physical activities. Alan Watts said that the meaning of life is "just to be alive" but it doesn't mean that we have to settle to that simplicity. There are million reasons to die and since I adopted the "win each day" mantra, I am no longer afraid to die. My goal is to etched my legacy as someone who turned things around in his lifetime and gave zero f*ck to naysayers. With "winning each day" as the main flavor of my everyday life, it certainly will not disappoint me should my final hours knock. The days that I lived that I can vividly remember, uninterrupted by vices that hinder my clarity will certainly satisfy my whole existence. I know this blog is supposed to be just about quitting vaping and I apologize that it ended this way but in totality, the message that I just want to convey is...let's not f*ck our own system with these mind altering instruments and stay away from vices as best as we can. If you haven't quit yet, find your "day one" if today isn't it yet.

Kabi-kabilang sakit ng katawan! Workout pa!

 I just turned 37 last July at maniwala ka o hindi pero I feel like 27 again! I guess lahat ng pagpapagod at diet na pinagagawa ko since nagstop ako uminom e nagbubunga na. Hindi na mabigat ang katawan ko sa umaga at lalong hindi na ko puro negative agad paggising pa lang. I know na medyo paulit-ulit lang yung ibang sinasabi ko about motivation, being strong etc. Pero this journal really helps me a lot lalo na sa trajectory ng goal ko which is to be healthy overall. Maybe unconsciously nauulit-ulit ko yung content and I'll explain that later. Pero in this entry its more on sharing lang talaga about my routine.

In my past posts, I mentioned a bit about my diet which was mainly low carb. I changed that now with intermittent fasting but with a twist. Although madalas ako mag 16:8, I also do 14:10 and even 12:12 minsan. Sa 16:8, depende sa intensity ng workout ko sa umaga, naachieve ko to nang walang hirap. For example, I will run 3 km sa umaga before work or do pull ups, push ups or ab workouts and considered light workouts lang yun for me so bagay sila for 16:8. Note na isa lang sa nabanggit na workouts ang ginagawa ko na more or less 20 mins lang and hindi masyadong nakakapagod at nakakagutom yun so survive ang long hours until mag-end yung fasting. Pero kapag tumakbo ako ng 5-7 km or nag-gym ako sa umaga for 30 mins or more before work, I go for 14:10 or even 12:12 kase grabe na yung naburn na calories na need ko na magreplenish. Sa kinakain ko naman, wala pa din ako masyadong pili. Tipikal na Pinoy meals na puro taba at oil (haha) pero small amount lang then susundutin ko sya ng either boiled eggs or saging na saba or both para satiated na ko until second meal na kung saan dun lang ako nagra-rice. Wala ako pakelam kung anong pagkain since I cook as well and hindi ako fan ng mga kaartehan. Calories in-calories out and I just make sure na sustainable at simple yung meal ko. One thing lang na binago ko ng husto e sugar or sweets. I dont do sugar sa kape ko at all anymore and while I still eat pastries, sobrang konti na lang unlike nung bago pa lang ako nagquit ng alcohol. Kase for some reason, bigla nagspike up yung hilig ko sa matatamis nung di na ako active sa alcohol.

On some rare occasion lalo na pag sobrang ulan at di ako nakapag-gym or nakatakbo, I do 18:6 or even 20:4 fasting. Though kahit kaya ko magfast ng matagal, I choose not to do it often kase during fasting, your body consumes your stored fats but also your muscles. So dahil nagje-gym na ko, sayang naman kung maapektuhan yung muscle gain ko. Kaya tamang 16:8 lang ako to produce keytones na kakain ng fats ko lalo na sa belly area. Then sa hapon when the whole ordeal of fasting is finished for the day, saka ako magwe weight lifting. I have 2 favorite coffee shops na tinatambayan bago magwork out to get my sugar-less brewed coffee para high na high ang energy ko during weight lifting. Sa gym, with new found friends na mostly younger than me feeling young din ako and kuma-catch up ako sa energy nila. Yun nga lang, payback time pagdating ng gabi kase andyan na yung muscle pains.

Nung mga unang weeks ng work out ko, epic yung body pain ko talaga. I would take a bath with warm water to lessen the pain then have my last meal for the day. I take a lot of protein rich food at night pero regardless yun kung anong protein source. Yung iba ayaw nila ng oily and fatty pero binabanatan ko yang mga pagkain na yan sa gabi kung yun lang ang available na mostly e galing sa carinderia. Our body needs fat and cholesterol for testosterone production and I don't care kung magcarry ako ng extra fat kung para naman sa hormone na yun. I often eat raw onions as well para sa testosterone pa din and for muscle repair para sa mga nadamage na tissue.

Sa next morning, mas malala yung body pain pero I get up from bed no problem. No pain, no gain! Although recently aside sa shoulder injury ko na gumagaling na, wala na ko masyadong isyu sa body pain. Di ko alam kung nasanay na ko or sadyang nakapag-adapt na yung katawan ko. Anyway thats how hypertrophy works and muscles at rest is where they grow so gradually, masasanay ka na din.

Everything I mentioned above, lahat yun ay through mental strength. A friend once asked me pano daw maging consistent sa routine tulad ng saken. Sabi ko, train your mind much harder than your body. The reason why I write almost every night along with my reading and listening to bright minds are because, kahit magbuhat ka at magpakamatay ka sa kakawork out, kung ga-munggo lang yung utak mo at ni wala kang fundamentals ng mind strength, nagsasayang ka lang ng pagod. Train your mind by thinking deeply through reflections and gaining knowledge. This right here, etong pagsusulat ko ng blog, this is my form of reflection and kaya minsan nauulit ko yung content ko is because need ko pa syang ire-iterate sa sarili ko bago ko sya totally ma-internalize. My idol David Goggins said, "you have to form a callus in your mind". Hindi sapat na puro nasa palad mo lang yung kalyo ng pagpapagod mo, dapat magkaroon din ng kalyo yung utak mo. So I might sound like a broken record sometime pero each time I reflect on what I've written here, lalo lang nun napupush ako na maging consistent kase its not enough na naisip mo sya, you have to put them into practice. Now if repetition works for you para maimprint sa utak mo yung gusto mong ipatupad sa sarili mo, ulit-ulitin mo lang hanggang maging normal na part na sya ng sistema mo.With that, let's all be resilient! Sasakit ang katawan natin pati mga utak natin pero hindi tayo titigil hanggang yung pain ay magdala ng resulta na hinahangad natin. Keep working!

Alcohol-Free, Month 6: My running shoes are giving up but not me

This morning, I just broke my running record to 10 km for just an hour. Its a beautiful Sunday morning with a weather so forgiving that I didn't mind going on a run a bit late. I didn't even plan to run today coz its my rest day from work and gym and cardio exercises but I woke up a bit cumbersome that I need a release. After checking the temperature and humidity which is not that bad for an 8 am run, I went on to see some action on the road. Now my running shoes are showing signs of wear and tear already so as my knees. While my knees can still endure, I don't think my shoes can still go on for a couple of weeks more so now I'm eyeing for a new and better pair. Anyhow, I went on to a light pace for a supposed 3 km run only to realize that I'm already at 6 km. David Goggins recommended to add more than what you originally set and there I ended up at 10 km. My exhaustion was indescribable but the satisfaction was through the roof. I did it again but I gotta spare myself for a day after this coz my body as well as my shoes are already showing signs of pain. Its not that I'm giving up but I don't wanna over train so I'll catch up with enough rest tomorrow.

While I'm at home enjoying my Spanish lessons, my brother came with lots of food and of course, booze. Its not meant for me as he got our friends with him so I ended up just hanging out with them with my few cups of coffee. I am no longer tempted to alcohol and my circle already respects me for being alcohol free. It doesn't mean though that I'm excused to not chip in to this festivity. I had to sing the most songs in the karaoke coz they enjoy my singing (not to brag). I like that I still get to share something on the table in a non-alcoholic way. I feel like Desmond Doss from "Hacksaw Ridge" movie who received military awards without killing a single human in the battle field. I'm in the "inuman session" laughing with the gang and giving my fair share of tito jokes aside from singing while still not breaking my sobriety. I didn't know it was possible 6 months ago but here I am, still believes and still unbent.

Prior to drinking session, I was already exhausted from running and cleaning the house. I meant to catch some nap when visitors came in earlier than expected so I literally didn't catch a break. Good thing it finished earlier so here I am with the last stretch for the day with my journal. I am already aware that whenever I'm dead tired, my emotions pour in. In the past, drinking alcohol whenever I'm super tired bypasses the melancholic phase and I go straight to sleep. Now that I'm not charged with alcohol, I'm left with a great deal of caffeine in my system, struggling to sleep and playing with memories again. Its not secret that the memories of my ex is still the single most recurring thing in my life right now even its already a year that we've been separated. Its not that I'm not trying my best to forget her but I owe her a lot for all these good things that are happening to me right now. So before you think that it's all negative, that's no longer the case. She's now officially the source of my inspiration to everything I do. I extracted all the good stuff that we shared together and all the lessons she imparted to me which I use as a material for my ongoing recovery. With 6 months into this journey of alcohol sobriety, the clarity is unmatched and the emotions while still attack are not anymore entirely detrimental to my progress unlike in the early months. I battled numerous times (and still am) with the temptation of opening up a communication with her again. Unlike in the early months, I can now win over this temptation easily nowadays and I'm very proud of it. Aside from running and working out, writing is also my secret weapon on this consistency hence my countless letters that I never sent to her. Letters that I thought after couple of months of this life changing journey that I initiated would help me win her back like what I used to do during the early part of our relationship. Instead I just keep them to myself and revisit them from time to time to remind myself that everything I said there aren't just full of sh*t and I'm working my way on fulfilling them (also I no longer intend to win her back so that premise is already irrelevant). Like what she used to say, "Do it for yourself. Its for your own good." and that holds true. I feel like we can be good friends should I initiate communicating with her again and she will be the greatest boost on my cause but I'm still a long way to be someone she might be interested with again. Its not that I'm lacking confidence, I'm just trying to be appropriate. The appropriate thing to do is keep the respect I vowed to give her eternally. That respect, that vow mean not to disrupt her, not to interrupt her with her life. I'm very proud that I'm also achieving that promise.

I'm still not decided which running shoes in the market would be the best to match with my running hunger but I guess I have to wait up until my beloved current ones ultimately gave up. I love these shoes, they are a vital part of my cause and thinking about not being able to be with them in the upcoming runs almost gives me separation anxiety. But you know, we have to move on at some point and time no matter how slow will certainly heals. I might put up these shoes somewhere safe when its time for them to retire but I will never forget them and the days we've been together. Wet and dry, dusty or muddy, these shoes never let me down. As I get stronger and stronger, shoes might come and go as I don't have plans on slowing down on my running habit until maybe I reached my plateau. That would probably be at the time when I can no longer use my legs for strenuous activities due to old age. But what is considered "old"? That's a topic for upcoming entries which I would love to explore. For now, have a great day, have a great life and be sure to drink plenty of water and keep your electrolytes on a right level. Let's run! 

I hurt my shoulder and its pretty bad

My goal for fitness has just intensified after series of rainy days that halted my running routine. I decided to go to the gym and lift weights. Apparently, living in a tropical country has its pros and cons. Its rainy season in the country and unless I want to incorporate swimming in my daily exercise, it wouldnt be too bad but leptospirosis is a thing to be afraid of and I won't dare catching it. While I still run when the weather is good, I also now visit the gym few times a week.

A week ago, my rotator cuff seemed to snap and now I can barely move my left shoulder specially for shoulder workouts. Its really painful and very uncomfy. While I'm pretty resilient and already fell in love with pain, working on a bad shoulder may probably just exacerbate the situation and I don't like that. However, shoulder day should go as planned but less intense means less weights for now for the said muscle group. This is not a new thing and I had this problem almost a decade ago when I was actively lifting weights. I guess muscle memory is really a thing that it even recalled my past injury. Its still a totally satisfying experience and each of my gym session is therapy to my ever improving mental health.

Its now going six months since I abandoned alcohol and I cannot stress enough the significance of this decision which is probably the best I had in my whole existence. I feel like a new person now and each day gets more and more beautiful on this alcohol-free journey. I guess it has something to do with the level of my testosterone that keeps going up due to my new non-sedentary lifestyle matched with right diet and ample amount of rest. Speaking of diet, I just became a fan of intermittent fasting which at first was so hard but determination got me now to this point that 16:8 is just a normal thing. I would consume tons of protein rich foods during my eating window and take low carb but satiating staples. My mom sent me a sack of black rice when she found out I'm on a diet and this rare type of rice really changed the game. Moms know best indeed!

While my sleep is still on a questionable routine, I make sure to maintain 6-7 hrs everyday. I am no longer on a night shift job and so night sleep is now a thing. Though I still do some writing before going to bed so I still go pretty late but I make sure to time it and not be carried away with it as overthinking also triggers sleeplessness. Like what I've mentioned in my previous blogs, I'm working on a short novel and its really damn hard but I commit to finish it no matter how slow plus I am really taking my writing craft very seriously. I love writing and I will surely stick to this true love until I get old. Back to my sleeping stuff, my coffee addiction that mainly contributes to my sleepless nights is now tamed. I consume a lot of decaf instead of the regular coffee. I don't know if its just a placebo as they said that decaf still has caffeine in it but it still put me to sleep anyway so I stick to decaf. My sleeping habit is still a work in progress but its already much better than before.

Its getting late and I have to finish this. I really don't have so much agenda on this entry but unlike the ones that I keep in private, I'm publishing this one and probably more as I aim for much longer social media detox moving forward. I mean few of my socmed contacts (who reads) already found my website and I'd rather share to them through this platform more often as they are the ones who genuinely give a sh*t. I relapsed on my socmed sobriety but I admit its really hard to beat that one so I'll reactivate my socmed from time to time. My mom whom is my number one fan always sends her support whenever she sees my facebook story so I will post FB story once in a while. She's a great proponent of good health and she's getting better and better as she gets old. I want to make her proud all the time that her son is striving to be healthier to be like her whom at her age is still exceptionally agile and active. Ma, I love you and I'll see you soon. Hilutin mo balikat ko!

My alcohol sobriety journey and how running plays a huge role on this ongoing project

As my journey to 100% alcohol-free lifestyle continues, I can only wish that I can sustain it up to my initial 365 days 100% zero alcohol intake then beyond. Let me share how I work to maintain this lifestyle and how running helps me to win each day.

January 2024 when I was diagnosed with fatty liver along with acute gastritis and urinary track infection. I also showed symptoms of gallstones due to excessive fatty foods intake (pares and mami were just too good to ignore during hangover). Despite my medical conditions, I didn't stop my drinking habits. Not until my mental health dwindled to the point that I may not be able to continue life if I keep ignoring its dreadful state. It took me 2 months of constant failure to kick the habit until one day, I finally found a more sustainable solution to "maybe" kick it for good.

If you want to kick something, you use your foot. That's it! All I need to do is use my feet. So I decided to run and that first run attempt in the midst of my withdrawal phase was excruciating that its even painful than break-ups. However, the endorphin, the sudden rush of adrenaline and that unexplainable feeling of joy and fulfillment? I might be hooked up to this activity. So guess what I did the next day. I embarked on another painful run that I started to be concerned about my leg cramps and how I really wished that my bones are made of adamantium coz I felt like they are starting to crack.

With the second day run on the books, I felt like I wanna give up. I started to question if its even worth it. I started to come up with tons of excuses and justification on why should I stop running and why this is not a good idea. I decided to not run on the third day. I said to myself, "I earned this rest" and I may or may not run again the next day. While I was sitting at the same chair where I used to drink alone all the time, the thoughts of drinking came again. I was staring at my table and began to unconsciously imagine the ice cold, sparkling golden liquid that Egyptians introduced to the world along with the pyramids. Im thinking about beer again! Holy smokes and I'm on the verge of early relapse again. "This can't be happening" I told to myself. I got up from the chair, took my shoes and even my feet are still aching, I decided to run that day under the scorching heat of the Philippine's summer sun.

With the heat index so high and the heat of the sun that literally burns my skin like lechon, there I was dragging my body on the concrete road that serves like a grill. I had to stop each couple meters to catch my breath and check if anyone is looking at me whom probably thinking how crazy I was. It only took me 1.5 km to decide that I had enough and this is indeed crazy and I have the right to procrastinate on this weather condition. While under the shade of acacia tree, I stumbled on this youtube channel with David Goggins in it. At first I was just passive and didn't mind what really is going on until the guy started cursing and yelling as if he's directly speaking to me. "You stop when you're done! Not when you're tired!" His words are so moving and motivating that I started to move my feet again and pushed myself each time he yells and curse. In that scorching hot summer day, I ended up running 4 kilometers. That was the start of my crazy running addiction.

Each time that my urge to drink rise up, I run. I don't care what time of the day it is. I don't care what weather condition is, I will run! I would run in the morning or in the evening whether its sunny or raining, it doesn't matter. Baranggay officials even got concerned when they saw me running at 1 am. They thought I was a burglar or something. But they got used to it as weeks go by. Even dogs at first bark at me like crazy but eventually got used to my night runs that home owners started to be concerned about their safety.

Three months quickly passed and I started to notice the changes in my body. I lose weight and my mental state started to improve so well. Some of my neighbors seemed to like what I'm doing that I began to see some of them running as well. One of them even invited me to be in his youtube channel as he saw my progress real time and wanted to feature my story but I politely declined. I said I'm still a work in progress and I'm still battling with a day to day temptations of alcohol. He understood but still offered his channel in case (according to him) I'm ready to inspire people. Inspire people? Talaga ba? But no. I am still far from that kind of recognition.

To date, I still run regularly. I can now run continuously with greater speed and distance than before. I learned how to not make excuses to myself. You know the thing is, you don't need to overthink fitness. Doesn't matter if its just a simple walk or jogging just effing do it. Stop procrastinating and making excuses. Anyhow, this article is not about you and its about me so you're maybe going through some kind of struggles in life and you have your own ways of dealing with them and I respect that. Isn't it sweet though that our paths may cross one day and we'll be able to share good stuff out of our journey towards better health and better life? And I think what's sweeter is, we both know that we didn't just go through a simple change, we went through a brand new lifestyle. Coz we both figured that for something to be sustainable (like on my case, alcohol sobriety) you gotta change your lifestyle. Sure temptations will continuously show up but for me? Tremendous self-respect and absolute commitment to this lifestyle will help me kick this alcoholism...absolutely.

Have a good day! Let's run!