I was so blue, that day. My chances to see my one and only true love has vanished.
Way back 2002, i got inloved to this really pretty girl, in the name of... oh i rather not to mention.
She's nice inside and out, i mean aside from her looks, she's also friendly and nice to be with.
I was barely 15 that time (young and innocent for the typical teenager, but not in my case) when i first saw her and got obsessed to her. We're living in a barrio that time where means of transportation is so hard that you can only get it once every 4 hours at daytime. Despite of that, i still patiently wait for that jumbo-jeep to arrive cause i might catch her there with her auntie. I was not able to visit her that often because their house was kilometers away from us. So everytime i see her inside that crowded jeepney, my heart jumps and...nothing more basta it jumps.
Anyway, to make this short story shorter, we became lovers illegally. Yes, everyone was terribly against us especially her uncle. So we kept it hidden and secret to her family. But because no secret can be a secret forever, her uncle surprised us one day while we're very sweet under that mango tree that still standing up to now. We're both in red that time and we're hot, i mean the color red is hot, not us actually. So because of that incident, she was grounded and warned not to meet me again. Because cellphone was not yet applicable to our place that time coz we dont have a cellsites yet in our province, we managed to keep our communication through love letters. So there's this one day that she did not respond to my letter and i sent another one and still she has no reply. I asked her bestfriend what happened why she stopped sending me letters. Her bestfriend told me that her uncle found and read all my sent letters and she was indeed grounded. Being a very resourceful person and a man full of spirit, i did not quit on her that easy and tried to seek some expert's advices. Unfortunately, after i searched the whole town for someone who can give me a hundred percent reliable "diskarte" on how can i send her my message (in fact the way for us to meet each other for the last time) i didn't get any positive advices. So i just decided to go home and have some rest and maybe just learn to forget her and live a peaceful life.
That afternoon, i was on my way home when i got surprised when someone bumped me from behind and i saw a familiar face, si "kapitbahay" who use to drink all day long and seems to be fully bored in his life. I just ignore him at first but he told me something that suddenly gave sparks to my mind. He spoke "Nung kaedad mo ko, nainlab ako sa isang babae. Pero tutol lahat samin. E mahal na mahal ko, kaya plinano kong itanan. E bantay sarado, ginawa ko pinadalhan ko sulat. Pero di basta sulat pare. Malupet na sulat na kahit erpat nya hindi maiintindihan." On my curiosity, i asked him what kind of letter is that. That couldnt be in hieroglyphics style coz no one would really understand that. He pause for a while and seems to be recalling something and in a glimpse of a careless light, he fell off the ground, he's really drunk that time he cant even say a word. So i took him in their house and perhaps wait for him to get back to normal. That was already 7 in the evening and he's still asleep. I decided to go home and about to leave when his wife invited me for a dinner. I was already hungry then so i just nodded and grab some plate. While having dinner with his wife, i asked the martyr woman how can she manage to live with this kind of man. Before she replied, she told me a story first about how they end up to be a couple. "Tinanan nya kasi ako. E mahal ko kasi yan nun e. Pero kung di ako nainlab sa mga diskarte nyan di naman ako sasama dyan. Padalhan ba naman ako nyan ng sulat na ang bilin lang dun sa nagdala ay "basahin ko daw lahat pero wag kong pansinin yung ibang nakasulat". E di nagtaka ako kasi me maliliit na numbers sa bawat pangungusap..." she said. I laughed for a while after she told several funny stories and how she regret on having a marriage with this man. then i asked her if that letter is still on her possession and on my surprise, she's still keeping it and in fact showed me how it looks like. I thanked her and i left right away.
At home, 3 hours ago when i started to point my pen on the paper, still the paper is clean and blank. After 5 hours, at last i finished my own version of that tricky letter and it goes like this:
To you,
1. Ang pagmamahal ko sayo'y
2. nawala na at ang di ko pagkagusto sayo ay
3. lalong lumalaki habang tumatagal. Pag nakikita kita
4. halos ayaw kitang tingnan.
5. Parang ang gusto ko gawin agad ay
6. tumingin sa ibang seksi at magandang babae. Hinding hindi ko papangarapin na
7. pakasalan ka. Syanga pala, gusto ko malaman mo na
8. sawang sawa na ako sayo at kung iniisip mo na
9. gustong-gusto kita makita,
10. nagkakamali ka. Napakasama mo. Siguro
11. kung maging tayo habang buhay, tinitiyak ko na
12. mahihirapan ako ng husto sayo at di totoo ang sinabi ko dati na
13. magiging maligaya ako sa piling mo. Ang puso kong ito'y
14. nakalaan na sa iba at wag ka nang umasa na ito'y
15. nakalaan pa rin sa'yo.Alam kong
16. ayaw mo na rin sakin pagkabasa mo nito at ang
17. gustong gusto mong
18. gawin ay isumpa ako. Di mo na gugustuhing
19. ako'y makita, alam ko din yun.
20. Di mo kelangang hilingin pero lilimutin na kita. At kung sa kabilang buhay, magkasalubong at
21. magkita tayo,
22. kahit sulyap sayo ay di ko gagawin. Naalala mo pa ba? Nung tayo ay nasa
23. sa tabi ng dagat.
24. Bigla ka nung nagwalk out at iniwan ako. Ang sakit nun. Kala ko di ka tuluyang aalis kaya sabi ko
25. hihintayin kita hanggang bukas
26. pero di ka na bumalik. Sana maging masaya ka sa buhay mo. Mula ngayon wala nang magsasabi sayo ng
27. "mahal na mahal kita"
28. tapos na tayo, paalam.
I really dont want anybody to know about this thing so i wrote it this way. I asked for my bestfriend's help to hand the letter and give to my dear but i instructed him to tell her to "read between the lines". I did not specify to instruct her to read only phrases in odd numbers (1,3,5,7,8,9,11,13,15,17,19,21,23,25,27) because i want to know if she's still interested. If she's still interested, she will read it over and over again until she finally understand (in fact, this is indeed a great letter that contain great words). But if she's really afraid to get caught by her uncle and auntie, she won't be bother reading it or even take a risk to meet me or even to write back.
My bestfriend was able to give her my letter and so i rushed to the seashore that afternoon and stayed to my other friend's hut nearby the shore. She didnt show up. I decided to sleep over and wait till morning but until noon the day after, she did not come. I went home with tears in my eyes. From that day on, i did not see her again. Her friends told me that right after that recognition day, she went off to somewhere to continue her studies there.
The year was 2007 when i found her in friendster. I was so excited that time so i sent her a message but i did not expect much because she might be still upset and hated me because of that letter that i sent her 5 years ago. On my surprise, she replied and she told me that she's so excited to meet me. Without anyone to stop us to meet once again, we got reunited after 5 years. I learned that she had a hard time understanding the letter and she had it understood late in the evening that time but unfortunately there occurred an emergency and she have to leave the barrio so she packed her things up and left the next morning.
She's still keeping the letter and when her sister accidentally read it, she wondered and asked her "how come you still keeping this letter?". A smile from her made her sister extremely puzzled.
