To answer quickly, obviously I've been working out and have embraced this active lifestyle that I initiated since I started my alcohol sobriety journey. But unknown to most males, man boobs can even be avoided without exercise if...they avoid alcohol. Alcohol and other substances that deprive testosterone will surely bear to feminine like physique. Let's expound that a little deeper.
Testosterone is a hormone that is being secreted to males in large portion than females. What it does is to boost male characteristics along with other sexual function. There are a lot of ways to boost testosterone naturally which I can tackle in future posts but this one is solely about avoiding vices like alcohol mainly. Why alcohol is a major culprit of testosterone decline to men? Simply because alcohol converts testosterone to estrogen pretty fast and if abused will absolutely boost the speed of this conversion hence the sprout of that female-like boobs that is far from desirable especially in the eyes of the opposite sex. If you've seen the movie "Longest Yard", you may already have an idea how estrogen converts a male to female-like persona. Estrogen as the main female sex hormone while also present in male shouldn't be produced in large portion. But idiots who won't stop abusing alcohol (like me before) decide to trade this undesirable look over the dopamine that alcohol gives them. While drinking may look manly, it's not a sign of strength especially if its already an addiction as aside from the fact that it serves as an escape to most, it also affects the hormone that supposed to help a man become stronger mentally and physically. Some may argue that not all alcoholic drinks have that massive effect to testosterone as beer according to study is the one that can affect the most but in general alcohol is still a bad habit that needs to be kicked out of our life. Now if you're a beer addict like me in the past, maybe start thinking about wearing a bra.
As I've mentioned in my previous post, I've been studying and researching about health and wellness aside from consistently grinding into the gym to not only be aesthetically better but to cure my mental health issues. I couldn't stress enough the benefits I've been getting from this healthy lifestyle that I'm dreaming of becoming a mentor one day to those who like me also wandered off in the wrong direction. Now speaking of dreaming, I've been hitting the right amount of sleep lately and I couldn't be more proud to say that the last piece of the puzzle on how to optimize muscle gain is now associated in my life. Thanks to different materials I came across on how to improve sleep coz they work wonders. My muscle recovery from these epic sleeps is unbelievable and my physique improved and probably reached its most beautiful form in ages. One thing though that puzzles me is why do I keep dreaming about this girl few nights in a row now and I wonder what these dreams mean.
She's by the river, watching her steps through the rocks while she walks as she gazed through the gushing water. I was not too far from her, watching her with her every step and making sure she won't slip onto something or be caught by the raging water. The latter is simply an exaggeration but that's how protective I am. While she's doing her sweet thing and having her moment, I was at the corner beginning to see her as a goddess who appeared suddenly to remind me how lucky I am to be with her. She's the most beautiful woman I've ever come across with and the greatest love I've ever had.
Clearly, what I have just said wasn't my actual dream but simply a memory of a lost love. Seriously though, what made me write about her is because she indeed appear on one of my dreams and we were really happy together as if we never broken up at all. Since that night of her presence in my dream, I always go to bed with a single wish that I see her again, that I get to be with her again. Unfortunately, she still yet to appear so the rest of the "dreams" I mentioned earlier was just kinda clickbait as I only saw her there once so far. I do daydream about her for sure if that counts as a dream too. One of the motivations I have when going to bed is to see her again. That's the only place that we can be together again. It only started as a little wish, now its already habit. Close my eyes, think about her then fall asleep. Wake up without the trace of her appearance to my dreams but that's fine, move on. Aside from techniques I learned from materials I read about how to get good sleep, I incorporated this habit of thinking about her which may or may not be beneficial to me in a long run.
I vowed not to disrupt her anymore and let her enjoy her life. Even the strong urge that comes up to me time to time to shoot her a message to thank her, give some gratitude as I wouldn't be in this better situation if not because of her, I don't dare to do. I've shut down my socmeds for a long time at the height of my desire to check her out and I still do the same whenever I have this urge to even have a glimpse of her. I've been winning that battle and it really helps me out to cope on that lost that I've already shed so much tears with. I remember early this year when we had our last phone call that I was so drunk (I tricked her to talk to me saying I'm sober when I'm not) I cried so hard like a woman and my emotions are pouring down like that water from the river. I looked back to that moment and realized how effed up I already was with probably nothing but estrogen remaining in my system as beer and stress already turned even the last bit of my testosterone to that female hormone which made me so effing emotional. Probably those drunk men who cry out so hard have the same thing going in their biology and that's exactly what I went through. Anyway, I promised her right on that conversation that I'll strive to be better and try to win her back. But my alcoholism was already extreme that after that peaceful goodbye, I ruined everything by sending her hate messages and pure expression of vengeance and darkness. That was actually the turning point on why I chose to be clean and strive to still fulfill the promise I made to her despite the mess I did. I remember she told me that I should do it for myself and neither for anyone nor for her and that's exactly what I'm doing. If you've reached this part of my writing I know you're thinking that I'm torn between trying to get her attention again or just stay still and do nothing and I completely agree with you. Have you lost someone so significant due to your mess and hope that you'll be forgiven and be given a chance again? Trust me, that question started to rise up again in my mind and even though my clarity is already at its fullness nowadays, there are still times that I find myself pondering about that thoughts...unconsciously.
Recognizing the impact of this dilemma on my day to day life, I choose to now be a little bit open about it in my journal. I might write about it few more times until time finally do its course. I also love the idea of revisiting these articles after decades. This humble site of mine that I've been with for half my life has been the witness on different struggles I had and still having and so far, writing here contributes to a large chunk of my recovery. I don't wanna go back to my old habits again and I feel like if I dwell so much on this thoughts, I might lose the battle. So I will hold firmly to my belief that I should not do anything but to stay focus on continuing what I've started. She mentioned one time that good memories should be kept and those are probably the reasons why she still lingers to my mind. No more hate, no more darkness, just pure light and remnants of happy times. Tonight, I shall go to sleep and hope she's there in dreamland again...a place where she's safe and have nothing but joy and love that she and I once shared.