A lot of things happened this past few months. I chose to stay silent and focus on rebuilding myself. For those who are following me in social media, I apologize that I no longer post my physical developments since I quit alcohol and the reason why is part of what I'm going to talk about today. Though my main topic is how my mental and emotional states are going through these "self-chosen discomfort" that I implemented to myself few months back.
I couldn't stop watching and studying David Goggins and how he uses struggles to dominate life. For those who missed my older posts about my daily routine since I stopped drinking alcohol, I made running as my normal routine for almost everyday. I started at 6 kph speed for 3 km run and now at around 9 kph for 5-6 km run. I know I'm still far from Goggins endurance but I'm aiming to get there. Running keeps me in check with my mental health and overall well being. It also help me eliminate emotional instabilities which keeps on attacking me from time to time. With the new neurons that form each time I run, the clarity of mind that I get is next to none. Though despite the physical benefits that I get from it, the feeling of discomfort, exhaustion and occasional muscle pain is what I'm really digging from this new found love.
I knew all along that the change I decided to embrace is not gonna be pretty in the process. But I insist to step out of my comfort zone and change almost everything specially giving up the pleasures that I'm very used on having. Apparently, the fear of trading these pleasures with all these self-made struggles is what held me back for a long time but its now been a while since I overcame it. The reward I get after all the pain are much more satisfying.
Diving into the deeper aspect of my emotional instabilities and how I overcome them, I realized and started to accept that the failures and rejections I had in the past are not because I was the victim. I stopped pointing fingers and putting blame to anyone and started to own up all of those negatives which are results of my own carelessness and arrogance. I found a great relief on admitting that I was the one who caused all of these to myself and I'm the only one who can correct them. My bitter pasts are now fading away and I can feel the things that getting better and better as I choose to live in the present. While anxiety and depression could still sneak in from time to time, being always sober and fit eliminates them more efficiently than before. I no longer aspire to do big things for the future that I'm not certain about only to get anxious and become mentally unstable. I win each day and I win them big.
Distractions are the great hindrance in almost all types of aspirations so I gave up the biggest contributor of such which is social media. I like the side of it that I get to inspire people but some just utterly throw their criticisms while they themselves don't even try. When that happens, I just stick to what Goggins said, "You will never, never in life meet a hater doing better than you." He's also the reason I quit social media coz he never use one. I also dislike the side of it where I get sexualized and I hate that feeling so much especially now that I also quit porn.
I'm not gonna make it too lengthy. I might still write but I will decrease focus on myself on my next entries. As I've mentioned on my previous post, I'm also in a quest to cure my narcissism which I think I have though I don't have a professional findings about it yet. I'm passionate about writing and now that I'm sober and have more time in my hands, I might be able to work on a short novel that I've always been dreaming to publish.
Take care everyone. Again, win each day!
